Happy April Fools’ day! This article was a prank. There is no such class as 17S30 and no changes to water prices. The current price of using water coolers is 0, thus 30% of 0 is still 0. Also, if you want to offset a 30% increase in price, you need to reduce consumption by 23%, not 30%.

That said, we would like to take this opportunity to remind Victorians not to hoard their fruit tokens or use their phones in lectures and assembly. Thank you!

Read our Editor’s Note on this here.

Hey Victorians! You would no doubt have heard of the water price hike in Singapore, announced in this year’s Budget. Water prices are to be raised by 30 percent in a controversial move that has drawn quite a bit of discussion online.

In VJ, continuing the English language tradition of naming controversies “–gate”, this controversy has been given the inventive and original nickname of “Watergate”.

As we all know, VJC uses water. Thus, we too will not be spared from the water price hike. It is a well-known fact that our school budget is constantly under threat from students who leave the aircon and fans in tutorial rooms on even after they leave.

In addition, students who use their phones while they are charging in LT1 during lectures are causing a tremendous amount of stress on our electricity. For that reason, lecturers have been trying to get students to not use their phones during lectures, but this has had limited success.

As such, in light of the water price increase, VJ has decided to embark on water saving and taxing measures in order to save costs and protect our budget.

Firstly, it has decided that the little fountain outside the PT will be switched off 30% of the time, to offset the 30% more expensive water. The so-called koi pond, which has no koi in it, will be drained of 30% of its water too.

Usage of the water coolers will also be taxed. A tax of 30% of their current price will be levied on students using water coolers. The same will apply to the taps of water near the pull up bars which students use to clean themselves up.

Initially, all three stalls serving drinks were to pass on the 30% price hike by making their drinks 30% more expensive. After all, all drinks contain water. However, it was realised that the other stalls also require water, as water is needed to steam rice and also to wash dishes.

Hence, the price of all meals will go up by 30%. However, this might cause confusion to the student body who already have to pay more for fruit tokens. As such, it has been decided that the best way to implement this is to raise the value of fruit tokens. This was because the fruit stall informed us that the price of watermelons is also going up by 30%, since logically, watermelons are also water. Hence the name watermelon.

Many Victorians we spoke to were rather peeved about it. “This is definitely the fault of the 70 percent, if you think about it,” said classmates Ai Lim Zui and Aduan bin Harga (17S30). “Must be the 70 percent.” We believe they are referring to the fact that water makes up 70% of the human body.

In other related news, in light of the recently announced 6% hike in electricity tariffs, the hall lights will be dimmed by 6%. This will also make it easier for the school to spot people who use their phones during assembly.

For now, that is all. The school will use this as a pilot test to gauge the response to these initiatives. If it is successful, the school may follow up with other initiatives aimed at saving costs as well as the earth, such as designating the treehouses as Heritage Trees and changing the motto on our yellow T-shirts to “Fried Up” to raise awareness of global warming.

Article by:
Yu Renjie, 17S30

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